Attachment: Something I have yet to overcome

Dealing with so many different people everyday is fun and exciting. You  have the opportunity to learn other cultures in many ways, whether it is intentional or just by accident. With my job, I am vulnerable to emotional attachment. This is the time when I wish I have a shut down button on my brain to let my it stop functioning for a while. I am all aware that these people don't give a shit about me after the lesson, but I can't just stop myself from caring about them. I guess I was born this way or I just don't have the courage to be a heart of stone. Being keen to detail is good but sometimes would lead me to trouble. I am glad no matter how crazy I am for so many things, I never go insane literally. I know that I can learn to control my emotions but I also know that it will take time. Although I don't show it that much, it is sometimes noticeable. 

I always hold on to promises and I take note even the minute ones. I have received so many promises in my field of work and I would say 90 % of them were not fulfilled which make me ask why people make them without even considering the outcome if they break them. Maybe, this should be the nature of humans. I hope I can do the same but I can't because I am haunted by my conscience whenever I try to do so. I guess I have to learn to ignore promises.I will do my best to overcome each one of them step by step. 

I must put this on top of my list of New Year's resolutions. 

How knowledgeable should an ESL teacher be?

With my long duration of teaching English online, I have met various kinds of people. People I have learnt a lot of lessons. The most important thing I have developed is patience. I am terribly impatient in real life but when it comes to teaching online, my patience is up to the nth level. I really can't imagine where am I getting those. 

Speaking to foreign people everyday means encountering different scenarios. Such scenarios would include insolent students. Those who never realize to use polite words in talking to their teacher although I correct them everyday. I think it is already in their genes to be rude. Well, I just ignore them because I know if I'm going to give them the time of day, I would be more than impolite. 

Another scenario would be a student being so kind who you think can't even hurt a fly. In this case, I needed to search for the most polite words I can say or talk the most interesting topic you could ever imagine. Talk about being flexible! 

Recently, I have stumbled with this know-it-all student. He likes talking about his personal life, lifting his own chair with his so called "achievements" in life. I am a kind of teacher who wouldn't butt-in in the middle of somebody's story telling. However, I do when he starts talking about other teacher's way of teaching. Discriminating teachers by saying they don't know anything about politics, geography and so on would make my blood boil! I am also a Filipino and whatever discriminatory words you would tell my fellowmen would hurt me even more. It is not our fault why we are living in a third world country, why we aren't fully informed or why we don't have means to access such information. We do not have public libraries just like they do in Japan or South Korea. We have access to those useful textbooks when we go to state universities. Sad to say, not all ESL teachers had the chance to lay their hands on those incredible textbooks just like I have done. ESL teachers are unique in many ways and I feel sorry if some teachers can't grasp geography as he is trying to say. Besides, we are ENGLISH TEACHERS for God's sake! 

He told me, "In Japan, we study the map of Europe". For REAL? I doubt it! Who would memorize the map of Europe unless you do a lot of reading and or travel to that certain place? I have known some famous place and even the not so famous ones by reading novels but I would admit I don't know much about them. 

My point is, if you are not satisfied with the lesson you are getting from Filipino online English teachers, why the hell you are taking these classes? Go ahead and take English native speakers' classes and see if they memorize the map of Europe!

I maybe very kind towards my lesson but I am no heart of stone! I always say, "If you don't respect us as your teachers, at least respect us as HUMANS! 

So, how much knowledge would you like your ESL teacher be? A walking Encyclopedia?



Note: This is also published in bubblews.com with the same and only one username.

A Poem: Faceless

Faceless

© by: Susan Gutierez Cura

written on September 07,2013 @ 20:54 

Life was challenged, pushed me through,

with such intellect, knowledge so deep. 

Without you, life so blue,

with this feeling, makes me creep.

Faceless as I may call you, 

yet the sound wreak gratification.

Faceless as I have seen through,

yet builds my wildest imagination.

Gone are the challenges, time to rest. 

Integrity has yet put to test. 

Conceiving must only be the request.

For it is forbidden, I may confess. 

Hope may give me the chance,

to know you even just a glance. 

Optimism must have been enhanced. 

Since no mechanism would refine my dance. 

Short story: The Shadow

It was 4: 00 am, she woke up from a dream she never expected. Suddenly, the door opened. Without hesitation, she peeped out from the dark and nothing she could see. She rubbed her eyes for a clearer sight but still nothing. She decided to get back in bed, but before she could, she saw a shadow. She felt a chill. She collected her courage and moved forward, leaving the door slightly open.  

Who are you?, she said. No answer. The shadow is moving away from her direction, slowly, as if trying to tell her to follow. She followed and they reached the living room. Please tell me who you are, she begged. The shadow turned around to face her and said. You don't really recognize me, do you? She thwarted and said, I would be willing to get to know you more and the reason why you are here. The shadow answered, I have been here ever since you were here, you just kept ignoring me. 

The shadow moved closer to her and uttered. You have got to recognize me. Search within you and you will soon realize who I am.  And then, the shadow was gone. She was left stunned trying to surmise something  is going on. But she couldn't come up with a clue. 

She tried to forget the scene and went back to her room. And the alarm started to ring. It's time for work, she said.


Note: This is also published in bubblews.com with the same and only one username.

Sibling Rivalry

Opinion Questions:

1. How was your relationship with your siblings when you were growing up?

2. Did your relationship change once you became adults? How?

3.What are the common reasons why there is a sibling rivalry?

4. How do you think conflict between children affect their relationship in the future?

5. In which kind of family does sibling rivalry usually occur? Big or small family?Why?

6.In your opinion, what do you think are the ways for parents to resolve this kind of issue?

7.What do you think is the best teaching we can impart to children to avoid sibling conflict?

8.What kind of parenting styles have you seen most effective in your society?

Note: This is created for my ESL classes. 

The feeling is so strong... "I miss my friends"

Sometimes taking a nap doesn't give a good thing. Tsk tsk tsk! After watching a movie today, I took a nap before my class starts at 3 pm. When I woke up, I was in a bad mood. One reason, people are so noisy around. They are doubling the sound of the rain with their nonsense talks! Talk about being insensitive in this place. After the bad mood, I felt like I wanted to talk to a close friend. I started browsing my photo albums and found some photos of me and my friends I treasure very much. I MISS THEM. Too bad, we can just talk virtually. I wanted to buzz them but I am sure they are busy. So then, I just made my eyes tired looking at our photos. This kind of feeling calls for a break and a meet-up I guess. I hope they are available by that time. Sometimes, it is not good to be workaholic but what can I do, I have responsibilities --- things I didn't plan to abandon although it is hard and it means sacrificing my own happiness. 

Below are the photos that made me smile today:

From L to R: Gael, Jel and Me.

We met this year but I miss them. Thanks guys for the friendship and for understanding me always.

Zen and me at her wedding day. 

I guess this was the last time we met if I am not mistaken. Wow! Time flies I guess. We've a got a lot of things to talk about. I hope we can meet up soon. Thanks for the laughter bessie. You crack me up! You just do it at my worst.

Me and Ava (we were very young then, :D)

There were so many things happened in our lives, Ava dear. Things that we have yet to tell. I miss your company as always, the funny stories in the middle of the night at a convenient store drinking beer or at your car enjoying your favorite music.

Friends I would never forget. Friends who accepted me for who I am. Friends who showed me I am not alone. Friends who opened up the other side of the world to me. I miss you guys. :(

Finally writing about it...

Expect the unexpected, I always tell my friends and family. I guess I have to practice what I am preaching now. I had overseen everything from the beginning and I think the kindness, eagerness and sincerity I had shown were all put to a different perspective. The story goes this way....

 I have met this person, I will name him Student I (introvert) last July 9,2012. The usual thing went on, I introduced myself, hoping that he would do the same thing even just a bit of it. Well, he told me his name, his age, ( which I don't often get from my students), his job, where he is now. One thing I won't forget from the first meeting was, "I don't have hobbies". It hit me like a cold ice, this guy's life is boring then, I thought. The next day, he is my student again. His interest with my lesson lasted for a year. So I have been talking to him from July 2012 to July 2013. Wow! I couldn't believe I had pushed my patience so hard to give a decent lesson to this guy. And his interest? MEDICINE! What the hell would I do to make my brain understand the ins and outs of this field?! I took the challenge positively, did my best to provide topics that are within his interest alone. With the length of time that we were talking to each other, I had discovered so many things about him.

Problem 1:
He couldn't figure out his opinion based on abstract knowledge. Everything for him should be scientific. Without proper explanation of mechanism of certain event, it doesn't exist for him. Talk about being NERD here! Or basically, he just refuse to let other people know his perception.

Solution:
I provided him topics that are proven facts. Theories is fine for him but it should be presented in a way that there is a possibility to prove him with substantial amount of data.

Problem 2:
He kept telling me he wanted to speak out more but he just doesn't have the courage to do so. Is he shy or introvert? I had concluded the latter before but now I have proven that he is not. He's totally SHY.

Solution:
I dug up the internet for different articles and advise even positive views of being shy or introvert. I used a lot of examples of people living their lives in solitude yet they made extraordinary things and made themselves known to others in a rewarding way. Eleanor Roosevelt and Gandhi would be the perfect examples which Susan Cain mentioned in her TedTalks: The power of introvert. I had given these examples and I had hoped it would encourage him to use his personality in a good way rather than make shyness eat him. But I guess I failed.

Problem 3:
I am fully aware that we have mood swings. Sometimes, we don't think of other people when we do so. Even so, I tried my very best not to show those mood swings that I sometimes have. But I guess he is not doing the same thing. He's sometimes in the influence of alcohol, if not, he's still drinking. Well, I didn't mind that. I just told him that it is better to talk to him if he is in his normal state of mind. Every time he's drunk in class, I feel scared and nervous and I can't concentrate with the lesson.

Solution:
IGNORE.

Recently, he did something I never expected. He contacted me using his private skype ID and he said he misses me and wants friendship, this was after awhile of not having a lesson. I was surprised because he is the least person I would expect to do so considering the above mentioned personality. And also the fact that after all the efforts I had made for our lesson, he gave me a bad evaluation recently. Well, I can't please everybody.

One thing I wouldn't ever forget is, one time when we had 5 minutes left for the lesson and he suddenly went quiet or maybe left without saying goodbye. I was like crazy saying  "hello, are you still there?" many times. The next time I had class with him again, I asked what happened and he just laughed. I couldn't contain my disappointment and so I told him: "If you don't respect me as you teacher, I would ask a favor to please respect me as a person." I know this, HIT HIM HARD! But he DESERVE it.

I am hoping that he is not going to take my lesson again because it wouldn't be like it was. I will be always remembering the time that I was DISRESPECTED by him who has a doctorate degree and who is now working at Harvard Cancer Center. This shows that no matter how high a person's education is, he/she could still be an ill-mannered homo sapien.

I am thankful that I still have respect in him so I chose not to mention his full profile in here because I am sure his integrity is somehow going to be ruined if I do so.



Note: This is also published in bubblews.com with the same and only one username.

Emperor: "If you understand devotion, you will understand Japan"

Photo taken from: http://www.nipponcinema.com

History is very difficult to comprehend specially if we are given a one-sided information. I have learned from elementary to college about WWII but I think it is just a small part of it. I was angered to know that Filipino soldiers were killed and my ancestors had experienced hardships and that was a one-sided emotion. I didn't ask myself, "How bad it is for the Japanese people after atomic bomb?"

This movie "Emperor" is set after the surrender of Japan during the WWII.  This is the investigation as to who initiated the war. The process is focused on the emperor, whether he should be condemned and be hanged as a war criminal.

General Douglas McArthur (Tommy Lee Jones) ordered General Bonner Fellers (Matthew Fox) to conduct the investigation. Fellers being in love with a Japanese woman who is an exchange student in the U.S way back in college would play a critical role in making his final decision if Emperor Hirohito is guilty in giving orders to instigate a war. 

I had come to realize why most Japanese people now are still reserve. It is not that it is difficult to express ones feeling but it is deeply rooted. It runs in the blood and in my opinion, no certain culture would change the fact. I totally misunderstand most Japanese people since I started working with them. I, being straightforward is anxious and challenged enough to make them speak out. I think my mission is going to fail knowing this fact.  I totally understand now that they are hundred percent devoted to their culture and country just like how their Emperor does.

Japan being the oldest monarchy of all monarchies has a a very unique one. Their Emperor is considered God, a symbol of Japanese. A person whom they will respect and wouldn't give up even it means taking their own lives. I have come to learn that being the Emperor of Japan is not earned because of ambition but because of modesty and calmness, yet has the courage to defend and choose which is right for its people even it will mean sufferings for him. 

Suicide is one thing I can't fathom. However, now I realize that it is performed thousand of years ago in Japan. They believe that if they are of burden to the many, it is better to take their own lives. If I will try to insert the concept of "devotion" in here, I would do the same thing but things are different in my culture. 

Learning the two sides of history made me better understand their culture. Although it is just a glimpse of it or let's say, what I have seen is not all factual, it still triggered me not to question ones culture but to respect them. Respect begets respect. 

I am very thankful to the one who recommended me this movie. A student of mine who I choose to keep her name unknown. 

A Time to Kill: A movie about justice and racial discrimination

Photo taken from IMDb

The movie started with two whites Pete and Billy Ray driving a truck, drunk, throwing their empty bottles to blacks they see; blacks playing basketball, on the roof of blacks' homes. The driver hit the brake to stop, went inside a store, a girl named Tonya went out of the store, owned by a black, kick some of the displays, pick up many cans of beer, drop it in front of the store owner and I guess they didn't pay for it. They drove on, saw the girl, Tonya, walking with her groceries. They stopped, threw something at her and then she dropped her groceries.  They grabbed her and brought her some place hidden. They ripped her clothing one by one and started raping her. One after another. They urinated at her. Not satisfied yet, they tied her up on the neck and hang her on a tree. The branch is not so strong and it fell. By the end of the story, it was stated that she was dropped on a creek. This girl is black. She was found and was alive fortunately. However, after all the medical check-up, it was found that she can no longer bear a child because her very young womb was destroyed. If you are the girl's father, how would you feel? What will you do?

The two men responsible for the rape was arrested, put to jail and they will be facing their first hearing.  A young lawyer, Jake Brigance (Matthew McConaughey), who is married and has one daughter named Hannah, is going to defend the case after he had a conversation with Carl Lee Hailey ( Samuel L.Jackson). Carl Lee mentioned that he is going to kill those two men. Jake mentioned this meeting to her wife and he was advised to give the information to the chief of police of Canton, Mississippi but he didn't. At the time of the first hearing, the two suspects are being escorted by the police and chief itself upstairs, Ellen Roark (Sandra Bullock), who would be helping Jake to defend the case, was on the stairs, with other spectators including the family of the suspects looking at them when suddenly the door opened, Carl appeared with a gun on hand, very furious started shooting the suspects until they die. The chief of police was hit unintentionally. 

Carl Lee was arrested, he gave himself in without hesitation. And then the real trial began. Jake is planning to ask for a change of location because he is aware there will be no fair trial but it was denied. One reason of denial is because the preceding judge is white. Whites in the community is superior over the blacks, therefore, they have to gamble everything just to win and get a fair trial. Do you think it is justifiable that Carl Lee be freed for killing Pete and Billy because they raped and almost killed her daughter? 

I love the way Samuel L. Jackson acted as a father in this film. The acting would captivate you and be emotionally attached to the movie. The two lawyers, Matthew McConaughey and Kevin Spacey both did a good job in the movie. Kevin would make you annoyed, Matthew would make you sympathetic. 

I always have doubt with justice. It is always unfair. Cases between poor and rich; rich wins, cases between white and black; white wins. It may not be always like that, but vice versa is very RARE. Anywhere we go we encounter racial discrimination. From simply getting a sit on a bus to making a good name in school, so on and so forth. Name it, ethnicity is always a BIG factor.  

Give it a shot! Watch it if you haven't done so.  

Movie Review: Flight - Moral Lesson

Have you ever experienced you were almost at the peak of your career and all of a sudden you fall? Although it's a part of life, it is difficult to accept. There are times that we have to lie just to overcome it. But it shouldn't be since another mistake won't correct the other. 

I recently watched Denzel Washington's movie Flight which made me realize a lot of things. The movie is all about a pilot Whip (Denzel Washington) whose life is one hell of a mess. He is a heavy drinker and a drug addict. Whenever he has hangover, he turns into cocaine to get rid of it. But even if he is intoxicated, his mind is still sharp. He is divorced with a son. However, he has a very good career with every superiors supporting him. The aircraft which he flew with 102 passengers malfunctioned but he was able to crash land the plane flipping the plane while on air and flipping it back when it was about to land. Although only 4 people were dead, 2 passenger, 2 flight crews, and most people said it was heroic, the incident was still under investigation. Test were done and it came out that he is under the influence of alcohol. His superiors tried to kill the details which they successfully did and all he is going to do is to make, Katerina Marquez (Nadine Velazquez), the dead crew, be accountable of the bottles of vodka found on the aircraft. Since he suspended the servings of beverages on the flight, only the crews are the ones responsible for the consumption of the bottles of vodka which he drank while giving an announcement to the passengers. By the end of the movie, his conscience can't make him lie again and blame Katerina, his lover. He told the truth which stunned everybody in the courtroom. With his confessions, he went to jail which made him change into a better person, made him realize what he has done was the right one, that he has to stop lying because if he won't, he will be living in lies. It was the best decision for him I guess because no one will do it for him, he has to choose his own direction. 

Life is a lot better if we are honest. Achievements are more fulfilling if we have gotten it the right way, that no people were harmed while we are trying to reach our goal. We always say that we are humans and we make mistakes. No one is perfect but we may strive for excellence. It is better to stumble rather then hurting people. Besides we can stand up again and be a better one.

The movie is highly recommended if you haven't seen it!

Photo taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flight_(2012_film)

Note: This is also published in bubblews.com with the same and only one username.